A Heart Break to Remember

This may hurt, this may bring pain,

This may be the last, and all that will remain.

What started as a blissful light,

Bringing with it, all hope and full of might.

Enticing with anticipation and brimming with expectations;

Whispering a dream, a promise of new heights.

Coming too close, it burned too bright;

Scalding you and all in its sight.

Consequently reaching a tragic end;

Falling devastatingly, with few ways to mend.

 

I wish, I wish, I wish.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

That that day will soon come,

When it all starts to make sense.

When you finally find the secret code,

Or when you uncover that one good quote.

Conveying a lesson, unique, only its own kind;

A sense of perspective, a pair of lens you were meant to find.

 

Something you carry as life moves on;

A hymn or a note that you will always turn on.

To remember the good, the bad, and what laid in between.

A reminder that a heart breaks only once,

And that one is all you need.

Sadness: A fuel to my writing

I have always felt that being sad was normal, that sadness was always part of life. I have accepted it as a necessary evil to know what being happy means. Of course. How else would you know about happiness if you did not know what it felt like to be sad? Interestingly (or maybe uninterestingly) enough, these are the times when it brings me back to writing. I have looked at a lot of writers and it seems like this is the norm for them as well. Yes, there are other emotions that fuel their writing the way that sadness does. However, history tells us that sadness seems to be a stronger fuel and driver to write beautifully written poems that stands the test of time. Think of Emily Dickinson and Edgar Allan Poe.

What is it about being sad the compels one to write? To form words? Not only to form words, but to seek them? To look for them? To bring them to life? What is it with feeling sad that pushes you to release it? Maybe because you do not want to feel it. As normal, as useful, and as recurring as this emotion is, no one really wants to feel it. It brings about this hole within you that makes it really hard to cover up and to fill again so long as that emotion stays. Alas, as fleeting as every emotion is, it too shall pass; you just have to let it go. What better way to release it than to write it out? Some may turn into something better than how it originally started. Some might never see the light of day and is just meant to serve its purpose and never to be heard off again. But think how beautiful it could be if it only it were given a chance? Writing gives it an opportunity. I would like to believe that as writers, this need is innate within us. So much so, that it comes naturally without even thinking about it; without force and without order. Just a need, like we need air. So write it out. Write ’till your heart’s content. You never know how beautiful it will turn out to be.

Snippet 3. After the Rain Has Come

10.9.16
How does the saying go? There’s a rainbow always after the rain. Waking up to a beautiful sunny morning after a cold, wet, rainy day is certainly close. Living in a place with the prefect blend of wildlife ruggedness and the luxurious comfort of a city, its easy to fall into the trap of expecting a golden morning everyday. Easy enough that being hit with the reality of changing seasons as the rain comes pouring in, sends most of us into a spiral of complaint. Nonetheless, we do not forget to appreciate a wonderful weather – always a point of conversation with friends and strangers alike. A bright sunny day is a reminder that sometimes small things do matter. It may not be a game changer nor a lifesaver, but its a little bit of positivity that one needs to push themselves to start the day, or maybe, the pull that brings one back to what matters the most: starting it at all.

Snippet 2. Nature. Beauty. Life.

08.18.16
Standing atop the beautiful Quarry Rock after a long but worthwhile hike. Watching it with one and a million other people sharing the same sentiment about its beauty and grandeur; it stirs something in me. Having always enjoyed immersing in nature, remembering school field trips consisting of trekking national parks, feeling the stream of rivers, and venturing into unlikely bat caves, forces me to be present in this moment. Beholding such a view, with the sun shining brightly, feeling the rush of adrenaline in my veins, never fails to remind me how beautiful life truly is. Deep conversations, talks about a future brimming with potential, it rekindles a light; igniting a spark that slowly grows into a fire. A fire strong enough to fuel the ever-so-fickle doses of inspiration to continuously burn. Sparking the faith that there is a better tomorrow, enough to overshadow all the doubts of an unknown path. Indeed, there are endless possibilities. And the best part? Realizing that it’s all within your reach. This view – and all the future views – is a proof of that.

Snippet 1. Coffee Shop Musings

10.8.16

 Sitting at a Starbucks coffee shop in the middle of downtown Vancouver fills me with both nostalgia and longing for something that has happened to me, something that I have always wanted to experience. Sitting in this coffee shop, tasting the almost finished grande mocha (my regular) as I soak in the typical coffee chats and chatter. All the while observing couples and singles alike walking in the drizzling rain casually strolling, reminds me just how life can change and move on. As a little girl, I’ve only read about being in such an environment. The thick, weatherproof jacket reminding me of a different, colder weather. The ankle-length leather boots telling me that I have adapted and can survive. A sweater so comfy yet stylish, showing me that it’s possible to have both. Finally, the sound of various unknown words spoken in ways that is familiar and yet so different. Diversity, variety, movement – all things I never thought I would ever experience when I used to daydream in my little pink room in a house in a third world country. Only reading about such experiences but silently wishing one day that I can live it. And now I am.

Self-reflection: Your bird’s eye view of yourself

One of the interesting topics that we discussed in one of the workshops I attended today was self-reflection. We discussed and went about the process of doing it and the benefits it can bring you. Throughout the workshop, it was interesting to hear about how other people reflect (if they ever do), and how often they do it. Personally, I believe that I reflect a lot and that I do it unconsciously as opposed to being forced to. Some people, apparently, have to remind themselves to do it. This was something that I really found to be interesting, mostly because my experience has mostly been doing it unconsciously. Naturally, I thought everyone else did it this way too.

This got me thinking really hard about what self-reflecting is and what it means. I started to think about why do we even do it in the first place — whether we do it unconsciously or not. As a person who does it unconsciously, I can only speak from that point of view. I guess the best way to start is to define what it means. Self-reflecting to me was a lot about reminiscing the past, thinking of the life I’ve had and being grateful for it. Additionally, it also seems to me to be a lot of learning more about myself and how I have reacted to certain situations and why I did so. There is sometimes this discrepancy between the way that I think I should act, at least logically, in specific situations and the way that I actually act instead. I found that figuring out the reason for the gap between these two to be, at least to me, the best way to find out more about myself.

I guess this ties back to one of the major topics that has always been asked within almost every personal development program: who am I? In this program, we get trained as to how do we know who we are, how do we figure it out, and what are some of the ways for us to start figuring it out. Funny enough, this is also majorly connected to the objective of one of the clubs that I’m personally heavily involved with — Passion Club. As the name (so obviously) suggests, it aims to help students find and discover their passion. And that starts with figuring out yourself and who you are. What I’m trying to say is that, one of the biggest questions that I have about life is finding me; and eventually my place in this big ‘ol world, is not mine alone, but one that is shared by everyone else.

I think this was one of the major reasons why I invest so much of my time and energy into these two organization. It’s my way of learning more about myself indirectly. The nice thing is that I actually am already starting to do it. In the act of self-reflecting often (at least I believe so), is already in itself, a major start. I may not yet be at a certain point in my life where I can say that I’m almost there (and pessimistically, may not even get there anytime soon), but it’s good to know that I’m subconsciously finding a way to get there. It’s not to say that all the efforts of finding myself by joining such and such organization is wasted. In fact, it’s a confirmation that I am on the right track.

You know what the funny thing is? I discovered all these through self-reflection.

Restlesness for the weary

To not worry about anything is one of the greatest things that could ever happen to me at this point in time, given how jam-packed my schedule has been. And yet, for one reason or another, I find myself wanting to do something; wanting to be distracted from my own thoughts, looking for something to keep me occupied.

For weeks and months, I’ve been wishing to have this time with no deadlines to worry about. Now that it’s here, it’s like I want everything but this.

Times like these are when I am thankful I have writing to confide in. It helps me sort out my thoughts, giving me a way to relieve myself of all these emotions.

Maybe I’m burnt out. Maybe I’m feeling too much at one time. Either way, the only thing I know I can do is to write out this restlessness and transfer it from my thoughts, let it flow through my fingers, and finally seeing it rest on a page – or a screen for this matter.

And you know what? I’m feeling better already.

Am I a writer? The thrill of having written a to-be-published article

I just completed my very first journal article yesterday. The feeling? Elation, turned into stoicism. I was relieved that I was able to finish the journal on time and within the deadline, but also came to an understanding that finishing the content is just the first step. Though it’s not the first time that I’ve been published (arguably the third time, if the second article I wrote gets published first), but it is the very first time that I was writing an article because I wanted to get published.

The very first article that I wrote was just something I did because I had something to say. Whether the article got published or not, or even the reaction I received from that article didn’t really matter as much. It was just something I was asked to do, had the time for, and decided to blindly plunged into. The second article was a requirement and was something that I had to do, whether I cared to write it or not. I was also restrained by a specific theme for the article, which can be both helpful and limiting, depending on how you look at it. However, this article is different. It was something that I purposely sought out to write. I wanted to do it, I wanted it to be written, and I wanted it to be me who gets to write it.

This feeling – the thrill, the excitement of writing an article that I absolutely wanted to write was just all too consuming. It consumed my thoughts for days ,such that I can’t move on and I could not do anything else (meaning other deliverables) if I did not finishing writing this article. Heck, it even pushed aside the blog that I was supposed to write a week ago.

This consuming, burning desire to write this particular article has opened up a new thought, but has also raised a lot of questions about me and writing. Yes, it showed me that I do have a passion for writing and that I can spend my time on it as I sort out the thoughts in my head, and then experience the joy of seeing it come alive. However, it did ask me to ponder and think: is writing something that I can actually pursue, career-wise? Now let me explain why this is a dilemma.

All the energy and passion that came from me showed that this may just be something that I can pursue, professionally. My issue is, if I only write during the times when I want to, is it really something that I can pursue after school? I hope that makes more sense.

But you know, after writing this whole thought process out. It got me thinking. Maybe it’s okay if I don’t decide right now if I want to turn it into a career. Writing has always been something I wanted to do, but was always at the back burner for so many reasons – one being, because I didn’t want to be a “starving artist”. I just couldn’t live that way. But then again, it neccessiates the question: do I really love it enough?

Thankfully, it’s okay if I don’t have the answer right now. That’s why I have writing to figure it out. 🙂